Parent.

[Sum]

My dad is a lenant guy. My mother isn't.

My story is...

One day i clean'd up the bathroom and my mother is like you didn't clean it! I see yellow marks on the bathtub! I said it was from the cleaning detergaint and she said NOOOO it wasn't. She started nagging and nagging at me and saying you didn't clean it and everything. I went in the bathtub and started to clean where i see was dirty (I mind you this is my 2nd time after she started saying i was lying). She is like there there! you forgot there!! I was saying i don't see anything because this had been only my 3rd time ever cleaning my bathtub. She got so mad at me she started to hit me and threating me with stuff that i cannot say. I got REALLY mad at she and pushed her to the ground and my mother started to get up at me. My dad quickly came in and stopped her and they argued alot and that time I really felt my dad was the only parent because my mother cannot control her anger.

So after 2 days or 3 she knew one of my best friends mother well and started to talk to her. She heard her story and never hear'd mine yet. When my brother finish'd tutoring my friend her mother came to pick him up and she told her son to get into the car and wait. She came up to me and started saying my dad could go into jail for what he did to my mother. I didn't know what my mother said to my friends mother but I sow my dad NOT hitting my mother at all. when my mother hitted my dad he didn't hit her back. So i told her my story and she belived me that my dad didn't hit her. He only restrained him and talked to my mother and my mother is like all angry at me stilll and like wont talk to me... and that is really fine with me right now because I do not want a mother who actually hits kids. Like she makes people all around her feel unconfertable. Really. She talks how bad her older brother is, her younger brother, her mother and everything.

Heres the research i found: http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/tenreasons.html

In Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Croatia, Cyprus, Latvia, Italy, Israel, Germany and Austria, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child. In some states and provinces, it is only illegal for a teacher to spank. In all areas of North America, physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary discipline, and condoned, or sadly, even encouraged.
For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)1, is that "all people have the right to protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too."2
1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.
2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.
3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.
4. The phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children.
While the "rod" is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. The book of Proverbs is attributed to Solomon, an extremely cruel man whose harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon's Proverbs. By contrast, the writings in the Gospels, the most important books in the Bible for Christians, contain the teachings of Jesus Christ, who urged mercy, forgiveness, humility, and non-violence. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.3
5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.
6. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.
7. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.
8. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood. "Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).
Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed medical complications.
9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.
10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.
Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.

I didn't say that her mother as well hit her when she was little when she was small too and like... Point # 10.

Yes yes i know. you would really all say that you should get up with ur mother again and be mother and son. But I do not think that will really happen in a while because she does not listen to me ever. I have told her about things which are true and she always disagrees. She always have to here it from a friend of hers and it gets really annoying

So... Whats your parents like? and I want to know what DOES it take for my mother to belive me and everything. I really hate it!

[timsty]

I'm sorry to hear all of that. It seems to me that the one who needs help is your mum, not you.

I'd say, there's nothing much you can do for now. You've already tried your best, and if she still doesn't buy it, then it's her problem.
She has to solve the issue within herself.

Recommend her to a psychiatrist, or maybe some family counseling.
It would be best if you got some professional help on this matter. Yup.

All the best man.

[Loccy]

Maybe suggest an intervention?

Its where you gather up all the people around her and not let her know. All get in a room and once she is in there lock all the doors and make sure everyone refuses to leave or let her leave until she admits to her mistakes and admits she may need help.

The results from intervention can vary though. So this may be a cautionary step. Sometimes people can see their mistakes and see how it affects those around them or they may sometimes feel betrayed. So tread wisely. Also this should preferrably be a final resort if anything.

[Suri]

Its where you gather up all the people around her and not let her know. All get in a room and once she is in there lock all the doors and make sure everyone refuses to leave or let her leave until she admits to her mistakes and admits she may need help.

I don't see that as a good idea... especially for a mother who is fast to anger...
If you don't mind me asking, what nationality is your mother and father?

[Jume.]

talinia is right. Do not lock them up in one room.

Im really sorry that you have to deal with this.

Tim I think has the best answer. Get some family counseling. It will help... [it helped me]

:/

[Sum]

yeah Me and my moher still don't talk to eachother. I mean really... Who does get mad about the bathroom.

[Jume.]

Aw. Have you tried sitting down with her and talking about it?

[dyaoka]

I don't think the intervention thing is going to work because it sounds like she won't be admitting her faults, but she'll just be prone to angering faster and resorting to violence more. I also doubt talking to her one on one is going to help matters any.

I think you should do as Jume says and get some family counseling.

Good luck.

[skalagix]

You really have to look at all sides of this before you consider something.

1: Why were you cleaning the bathtub in the first place? Was it a punishment for something you did?

2: I'm not sure about the laws over where you are at, but the minute your mom began to hit you, she should have backed off.

3: Pushing her to the ground wasn't such a good idea ether, but in a situation like that I can sort of understand.

4: Parents like to evenly discipline there children. Is your dad TOO lenient towards you to the point where your mother feels like she has to do all the work or something of that sort?

Now you can completely ignore my advice, or take some of it in but some of my suggestions is to maybe try and talk to your mom, your dad, a counselor at school or something of that sort. Don't label the demon before you have labeled the others.

[Tegan]

I hope my response isn’t too late. I read this section of the forum and I am so stunned at how many people come across the same issues as I do. I had real issues with my mother, the same kind of deal. What I did was go to my school counsellor and tell her everything and maybe get some advice. What she told me was really surprising and has helped me a lot so I will forward you the same suggestions I got, hoping that maybe some of them will help you in your situation.

In my situation, my mother was going through some tough times in her life, most of which were work related. She held it all in and at the end of the day she took it out on me. It was her strange little way of trying to let me know that something was bothering her. We came up with a theory that in my case made a lot of sense. She had troubles with her own mother, and in return did the same thing onto me that her mother did unto her without even giving it a second thought or realizing the situation. But basically, to put it into simpler terms, she was trying to live herself out through me.

I don’t know how often your mother nags you, or how in-depth she goes, but mine would actually start off from little things like not cleaning something enough or forgetting to pick up a candy wrapper or something. Then it would escalate. She would somehow tie in my life at school, my future and every little thing that was wrong with me. She would tell me that I was worthless, lazy, you name it. I would usually break into tears and go into my room. Even after shutting the door she would stand outside it and talk about how worthless I am. I didn’t know how to deal with it other than breaking down and crying. After something like that happened, a few hours later she would pretend like nothing had happened and I tried to do the same. Well, situations were not solved and therefore they persisted.

In my case, my counsellor told me that breaking down and feeling bad was the wrong way to approach it. My first step was to understand that what she was saying about me was not true, and that none of this is my fault. Secondly, I had to understand that I couldn’t help her completely, and that she had to help herself. She told me that I have to start communicating with my mother more, and have her talk about what’s bothering her more so she wouldn’t have to hold it in. I think that this is something you should really try, in situations like yours and mine distancing yourself is the last thing you want to do.

The last step was to at least reverse some of the damage that had already been done onto me. I was getting really depressed, so she had given me a “prescription“. She told me to think of three things that I would enjoy and that would make me happy no matter when I did it or how often I did it. This could be anything. After I chose three things she told me I had to do at least two of the three things at least twice a week. This little prescription can help anyone, really, and it is guaranteed to give you results. She told me if I follow it I will feel much better and see the changes not even within me but within everyone around me, and it was so true. So, anyone reading this, try it! Especially you, Sum, it will help you feel much better.

So, basically I followed all of the instructions and over the last few weeks things have been improving. I hope some of these tips can maybe help you as much as they helped me. And that goes for anyone else reading this. Dont be afraid to follow these suggestions!